Well yes, but importantly we can all share a beer
I mean @aran is buying! 
I know your intention here is to add oil to the mildly troubled waters, Pete, and I appreciate that…
This bit doesn’t work for me - it’s the kind of personal commentary on other people’s reactions that we need to avoid, because no-one likes having his or her responses ‘marked’ like this.
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But i have a personal message, so yes i think i can. Otherwise i wouldn’t say so.
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I, in hindsight, think Huw had every reason to be offended. As you rightly said, I didn’t mean any offence but that doesn’t mean that no offence was given.
I really appreciate that, Geraint
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I enjoyed and valued our PM chat immensely, Pete and am still liooking forward to sharing a drink at the party. 
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No, I’m sorry, Pete, but I need you to hear me on this. It doesn’t matter what personal messages you’ve had, it’s not up to you to bring them onto the thread.
Patterns that work for us:
- saying nice things about other people
- noticing other people’s strengths
- being open about our own weaknesses
Patterns that don’t work for us:
- commenting on other people’s weaknesses.
We don’t go into this in lengthy detail in the forum rules - we settled, long ago, for a very simple set of official rules, plus trusting our forum members to respond sensitively and positively when I give them the nod about particular details…
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With all due respect, i have only said nice things here. Commented on my own weaknesses not anyone else’s.
So i’m sorry. But that was uncalled for.
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Catrin sparked a lovely conversation a few months back that helped me immensely with reading posts on this page and how I try to construct posts.
Aran mentioned making things overt. We can’t pick up on body language etc. So explaining everything and not leaving things to be implied really helps
@Pete2 you are very positive on this site. Your recent post about Sam really highlights that. As an unrelated forum user, I wasn’t aware that you’d had the private chat. So i can understand why Aran took it that way. I’m sorry I initially misread your post. I hope you don’t feel this is me criticising. Now I understand the full context, I can see you were defusing the situation
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Thank you.
No, Pete, that’s not true.
Saying that someone was ‘just being sensitive’ is not a nice thing to say.
If Huw had said that of himself in this thread, it would have been fine to quote him - otherwise, it looks to everyone else like a judgemental comment, and that in turn shows posters and readers that this is a forum which accepts judgemental comments.
This is the distinction I need you to understand and accept.
We also need all our forum members to understand and accept that we don’t have long to-and-fros about this kind of stuff.
We expect all forum members to accept gracefully any official requests to fine-tune.
I’ve given too much of my Sunday evening to this instead of to my children, so I now need to simplify matters.
-
You think it was okay for you to say Huw was ‘just being sensitive’.
-
I’m letting you know that it wasn’t.
-
Please be more careful about that kind of comment in the future.
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Sorry - I should have noticed at the top of the thread there that @hewrop had used this, whereas instead I took the opportunity to snipe at the media - or at least that’s who I had in mind when I said ‘affectation’ (which I think in the media it is).
So apologies all round, but particularly to Huw
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@aran please note that this whole thing grew from a misunderstanding, Gareth and I made the same mistake, Pete was trying to calm a needless brouhaha and, frankly, you got your back up when saying nothing would have been better. Oh. But never ever am I allowed to say that, so I must go too.
Caredig iawn, Gareth. Diolch yn fawr.
Very kind, Gareth. Thank you very much
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I was about to “like” your post, Jackie, when I noticed
so I must go too
Please don’t!
I started this thread with the light-hearted intention of posting an April Fool’s joke and am desperately sad at the possible drastic outcomes.
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Gosh!
All of this!
I’m sad this morning, sad and rather fed up. It’s days like this when SSiW feels like so much hard work and I get really tempted to say to Aran, ‘look, just get an office job somewhere’ … and then I start to fantasise about making him packed lunches and packing him off in a suit and tie… then I remember how wonderful SSiW is, and how wonderful the SSiW family and community is.
This is difficult for us and I would like everyone to understand how much hard work goes in to this forum. Aran scrutinises this forum several times every day, no matter what day, what time of day or where we are. If there’s internet connection, Aran’s there, checking.We could be sitting in a church waiting for the bride to arrive or in a hospital waiting room with one of our children.
He doesn’t like people posting for the first time and not receiving answers. He doesn’t like anyone being treated unfairly. He doesn’t like anyone being discourteous. He doesn’t like the forum having technical glitches. He doesn’t like arguments, or fiery political discussions… and so on…
Aran is meticulous. One of the main reasons why this forum is always such a friendly and welcoming place is because Aran works so damn hard every single day at keeping it so.
Last night was totally horrible for us as a family. The entire Sunday evening was lost. Aran was uneasy and uncomfortable, distracted and worried. The kids didn’t see him all evening. He couldn’t give them a proper bedtime and we eventually went to bed feeling fed up and over tired, because we’d also just spent the whole day working on the chalet for my mother in law.
So that’s it, that’s my bit.
This isn’t easy for us at all. But we must look after this forum like a baby. Not only is it our livelihood, but our whole hearts go in to this place and it takes so much time and effort to keep it alive and well.
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I will PM you and Aran, because I have been thinking and have a theory. I want to try to sort it out so that both Pete and I can stay, but as I feel responsible for the whole mess, if he can’t be here, I feel obliged to do the honourable thing and go as well.
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Now.
I won’t say more but …
Would you all please stop!?
This doesn’t lead anywhere. I admit I didn’t feel that way when I was in the similar situation (just not warned by Aran though) but I’ve sat down with myself and have a hard conversation with my inner me.
We all love SSi, we all love this method and thsi forum and community so for all sake, please, stop quarelling and discussing who’s guilt it is. And … oh … don’t go, any of you.
This is my (only) bit in this topic.
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I love spätzli, and of course coq au vin, and the rest (saucisson!) and how wonderful it would be to find such yummy non-British specialities anywhere other than online. I have a huge weakness for charcuterie in particular: saucisson, salami and jambon de Bayonne or Jamón serrano or Parma ham - oh, I am salivating at the thought… it might even beat half an hour with Cat & Aran on SSIW (but perhaps not)
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I just wanted to add one thing here.
What went happened on the forum last night was just the tip of the iceberg. Private messages were coming through thick and fast from various people. Some were upset and hurt, some angry, some confused and so on. It was a tricky and challenging juggling act.
We’re dealing with 100s of people every day through SSiW. On the forum, on Facebook and via emails and PMs.
Each and every person has a different character, different personality, different world views and opinions, different life experiences and different needs. Some, by their own admittance are battling with personality disorders, mental health issues, physical health issues and so on.
Keeping a forum happy and healthy with all these variables, is a mountainous task. So there have to be rules and guidelines with no exceptions, or it all falls apart, and one of the most important aspects of SSiW, it’s community, ceases to be.
I hope this helps to clarify matters a little more.
Diolch.
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Diolch o galon, Gareth - gwerthfawrogi’n arw iawn…
I’ll try to update this as briefly as possible.
It’s been distressing for everyone involved, I think, and is a model of how quickly things on the internet can escalate from misunderstanding to conflict.
That’s why for the last 8 years I have tried to set the expectations in here so unusually high - unnaturally high, as many have (quite fairly) commented over the years.
Little things can become big issues in the blink of an eye - so I spend much of my time focusing on the little things in order to minimise the amount of serious issues we need to deal with as a community.
Generally, it works well - in 8 years, we’ve given two permanent bans and two temporary bans.
Sadly, the second of those temporary bans is for Pete, for one week - after which he will be welcome to return, if he chooses, and if he’s willing to work within our guidelines.
It hasn’t been a quick or easy decision - I asked Pete via private message to bring any further disagreements to private message, because it’s important for us not to create the expectation that disagreeing with the guidelines is normal behaviour here. Sadly, he didn’t feel willing to do that.
For clarity’s sake, his temporary ban is NOT for saying that Huw was ‘just being sensitive’ - it is for the continued arguing after I asked him not to make that kind of comment, and the refusal to bring it to private messages.
If I ask you to adapt your behaviour, I am entirely willing for you to private message me to tell me that you think I’m being unnecessarily picky - and I’m willing to explain why I’m being picky (although some of it might be cut&pasted by now, I have to admit!).
But I’m very keen to be able to continue running this forum on the ‘quiet word’ model, which means I’m not willing to have Admin requests turned down and/or turned into running arguments.
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