Maybe htere is a wondering (by some of you (or not at all )) why I've been so quiet in this thread for so long as usually I'm many times (neccessarily or not neccessarily) the first to respond. But now I just feel the need to write something too.
(Excuse me my long post (again ...))
I've read the posts carefully (well at least I believe I did read them carefully enough) and ... all of a sudden I felt that secret bit of guilt which always lurks somewhere behind in my conscience when word about such things as to be kind, supportive, polite ...
Was I polite, supportive, friendly (and what's more to it) enough? What if I wasn't?
Yes, these questions raised in me reading this thread. And the answer is: No, I wasn't always kind, polite and friendly enough!
I also felt guilty of (maybe) causing unpleasant feelings to some members with many times unconsciously "I know it all" behaviour what I became aware of in time and hopefully I've got rid of it now.
But I won't accuse myself, not this time. Accusing myself is the thing of the past, the thing of me at the beginning of comming on here, not being always friendly and kind enough to many people and then my explanation would be I actually meant to blame and accuse myself and not stepping on the others. I also thought later on that many people went off the forum because of me and my not always friendly behavior, and for this reason I even asked @aran to delete my "Tatjana - Progress Reports" topic as I felt there was/is most of my unfriendly stuff written which surely wouldn't contribute to anyone's learning process neither to feel them welcomed on here.
But SSiW and especially you, members of this forum with the main protagonist @aran on the lead, gave me that something, that long lost part of me being lost in the wide wild world of Internet which brought almost as heavy, stressful and unbelievably threatening times to me as did to Aran and @catrinlliarjones in the real life with exception of being life threatened. In the time I was most "heavy" toward people and self beating about my learning many of you but mostly Aran found the will to lead me though the learning process, being willing to give me all those extra specials I've got (translate this as "2 most blasting conversations with Aran") making me realize I'm that one who has to change and not the world around me.
I started to work on main two things: a) learning the language as it should be learnt, without beating myself and expecting too much and b) polishing me in my behaviour, responses, writings on the forum, being helpful and welcomming when I am able to and just shut up when I feel happenings and writings could carry me away. (with exception of my happy YAY!s, and in seconds inspired graphics which I love to post here. )
Fortunately (now I am safe to say this) deliting of "Tatjana - Progress Reports) never happened and nowdays I'm kind of thankful for this as I know those posts might not be so hostile anyway and many people were saying later on that they were inspired with many things written there.
I'm also glad that all those (well majority of them) for who i thought they left bacause of me, are back on here again and they don't just read, but actively contribute to the forum as they once did before. . It might be those members really went off because of me but clearifying things obviously brought them back and we started on kind of new relation.
So, I hopefully should believe I've succeeded with what I've worked (and still working) on and nowdays no one feels not-welcome, threatened and in any other way uncomfortable on here because of me.
To be honest, I felt this forum not being as friendly as it once was lately also with one more observation (I always have one extra ) : obviously this for it was also more quiet, much more quiet then I'd want and as it usually was during the Summer. Hopefully this thread will make all people not forget to be friendly and polite even if expressing their passion toward language (and a bit of policy if it's unavoidable in deed). I for sure (even if I didn't need this reminder at the moment) will pay extra attention to my writings so it might be you'd rather not see me in some topics then seing me expressing anger or "hostile" behaviour.
I hope I'm doing my part well and I will not ever be thankful enough to all of you here and especially to some people who literally came into my life and made it brighter, showing me a new way of not just learning, acheaving something, but also of relationship with the people.
For all bad things I once ago might do, please accept my deepest appology.
I love you all!
I knew for this threatenigs to Jones family as I accidentaly stumbled on the article and video with it about this some years ago and was shocked.