Could someone please verify this translation of Dylan Thomas please?

I found this translation into welsh of the great villanelle and was hoping someone could verify its accuracy before I commit it to memory! (edit: I should say before I make a mission of learning enough welsh and its correct pronunciation in order to commit it to memory!)

The original:

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on that sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Translation:

Paid â mynd i’r nos heb ofyn pam;
ysa, yn dy henaint, am droi’n gas
wrth y drefn a fyn ddifodi’r fflam.

Doethion yn eu noethni’n mentro’r cam
i lawr i bwll heb olau ar y ffas,
ân’ nhw ddim yn llwch heb ofyn pam.

Dynion da’n eu dagrau’n cofio cam
alw dawns y don mewn cilfach las,
ân’ nhw ddim i’r dwfn heb ofyn pam.

Dynion gwyllt a gipiai, o roi llam,
hynt yr haul ar gân, cyn colli blas,
ân’ nhw ddim yn bridd heb ofyn pam.

Gwyr y beddau’n llon er gweld, yn gam,
wreichion gwib ffwrneisi’r sêr ar ras,
ân’ nhw ddim i’r gwag heb ofyn pam.

Tithau 'nhad yng ngwagle’r Pelican,
rhega fi a’th ddagrau llym, di-ras.
paid â mynd i’r nos heb ofyn pam
wrth y drefn a fyn ddifodi’r fflam.

This was taken from a song version on youtube and the word Pelican stood out as worthy of of a check-in!!

Thanks in advance! :smiley:

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Ooooh, I have had my own doubts and curiosity about that translation but I can’t really explain why! Pelican caught my ear too hahaha. Looking forward to the responses from people who actually have the knowledge to answer! :grinning::wink:

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Diolch am ranu hyn (Thank you for sharing this). I enjoy Dylan Thomas and have not read his works in many years.

While I consider myself a Welsh speaker, I am far from fluency, but the first stanza, I would translate as,

"Don’t go to the night without asking why
In your old age, turn nasty/hateful
by the order (something something) the flame."

I’m being quite literal, so it’s possible and probable that I’m missing Welsh context.

Based upon my understanding of Cymraeg, thus far, this is how I would write the first line:
“Paid â fynd addfwyn i mewn i’r nos da hynna.”

I do want to say, the translator worked incredibly hard to follow Dylan’s rhyme scheme and that complicates his/her translation of his poem, which I totally did not do.

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Yes, I can verify it for you - it’s T.James Jones’s translation so as he’s a Welsh poet and dramatist, and former Archdruid of the National Eisteddfod of Wales, I think we’re in safe hands!

The translation is not of course word-for-word because there is no way you could both translate and keep the rhyme scheme, so there has to be some flexibility (as Deleware spotted!). What the poets try to do in these circumstances is keep the meaning and feeling of the original even if they have to say things in a slightly different way.

I’m guessing the song version is the one by Brigyn (this one )? They perform quite a lot of translations as well their own stuff. If you haven’t already come across it, you might also like their version of Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah

PS - Pelican is the name of a house - it was Dylan Thomas’ parents’ house from 1948 :wink:

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Many thanks to @delawarejones and to @siaronjames for the knowledge-bombs! It is indeed taken from Brigyn’s song! :100::grinning:

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Hello ! I am Cymraeg ,born in Bangor North Wales.There are often strict meter rules in the welsh language.I was taught about the cynghanedd at school.Although admit I have forgotten the majority. I am a ‘ Gog’ and come from an area where the majority use the welsh language daily. The language varies greatly even between villages. I am what they call COFI welsh. So the nature of the translations can be different depending on which area the person comes from.There really is quite a difference between North and South.I really don’t like. the translation,because it does not do
any justice to the sentiment expressed within the original.Just like many poems translated the other way,ie from welsh to English. Lose much of their power,.You might be interested in Waldo Williams poetry.

I think that using the name Pelican ,doesn’t work on any level.It would have been better to have used a more general word for being at home eg adref.

Blockquote

,adref or ti yno.