@aran, thanks for the guidance and encouragement. You’re probably right that I’m setting my sights too high, and being a bit too self-critical. I’m trying to relax a bit, and to keep in mind that ultimately I’m supposed to be doing this for fun, and for mental exercise, not to pass an exam. It’s very hard to drop the habits of a lifetime, though.
I did the Working Memory Challenge you suggested, and I scored 4.5. I did it again, and scored 4.5. I did it a third time, and managed 5.5. I have no idea how that compares with most people. Does that score tell you anything useful? (If it’s less than average, you won’t hurt my feelings by saying so. It might even help explain why I’m having difficulty.)
You make a good point about emotional commitment. At the moment I’m finding that pausing frequently, and backtracking and replaying, is making me feel more enthusiastic towards SSiW than if I stay off the Pause button and just let the recording run and never backtrack. I accept that it may not be producing the speediest progress, but I can live with that, because it means I am less frustrated. I feel I’m getting more on top of it, I feel I’m making better progress, even if by any objective measure I’m actually not.
Whenever I just let the recording run on its own, Cat stops being a helpful teacher and becomes an annoying know-it-all classmate. To everyone reading this: did any of you have the experience, back in your early schooldays, of your teacher asking you a question, and while you were gathering your thoughts to answer, your smug show-off classmate would shout out the answer first? If you had a good teacher, she’d say “OK, Hermione, we know you know the answer, but please give the other children a chance,” but even so, you’d still feel a bit thick. You wanted to say “I CAN answer this - if you’ll just give me a minute to think. I can’t do it as quickly as Hermione, but I’m not stupid.”
Well, that’s pretty much how I feel now if I don’t pause the recording. On all but the very shortest and easiest sentences, Cat (a.k.a. Hermione) jumps in while I’m still gathering my thoughts and taking a breath.
And here’s the real irony. During my primary school years, to my utter mortification now, I was Hermione, most of the time. I was the smug little so-and-so showing off how much I knew, how easily I could spell, how fast I could calculate. I had reached my teens before I first encountered any academic subject I struggled with (it was physics), and gained some inkling of just how much some learners struggle and how it doesn’t help to have some more gifted classmate parading their superior abilities. Struggling with physics was a well-deserved lesson in humility, and helped change me from a horrible smug [rude word deleted] into someone with a bit more empathy.
So here am I now, all these decades later, once again feeling pretty humble and a bit thick, which is not necessarily a bad thing. I can live with those feelings. I can live with the mistakes I’m making. As long as I get a chance to make those mistakes - in other words, as long as I can find a way to shut Hermione up and give me a chance to speak. So that’s why I’m still using the Pause button. It’s the only way I can keep Hermione quiet and keep me from wanting to slap her. As long as I can use the Pause button, Cat stops being the insufferable Hermione, and goes back to being the gentle teacher Cat, either confirming that I got it right, or showing me the right way to say it if I got it wrong.
And sometimes I really do need a long time to gather my thoughts, grope towards the right answer, and say something close to what I should be saying. Other learners are probably much faster at getting the Welsh out than I am at this stage.
Here’s an example. Suppose @Iestyn gives this sentence: “You don’t need to say why you will not do it”. (I can’t remember whether that sentence is on any of the recordings. I just assembled it out of the words I’ve learned so far.)
This is how I respond. Lines in quotes are what I say aloud. Lines in italics are what I’m thinking. Ellipses are pauses. Apologies for any wrong Welsh spelling - I had to look up the spelling, and I may not have got it right, but I hope you’ll at least know which words I’m trying to say.
USING THE PAUSE BUTTON
Iestyn: You don’t need to say why you will not do it.
(I hit the Pause button.)
…
“Ti ddim yn…”
Ti ddim yn, ti ddim yn… what’s the word for “need”? Hang on, it’s not “ti ddim yn” at all. It’s that funny construction which means something like “there is a need”. What is it? It has “isie” in it. What is it again?
“Mae isie i fi…”
No, that’s not right. “Fi” is “I”. This is a YOU sentence.
“Mae isie i ti…”
That’s still not right. The sentence was “You DON’T need”. It needs a negative word. What’s the negative construction? I remember! “Does dim”.
“Does dim isie i fi…”
No, you’re back to “fi”. It’s “ti”.
“Does dim isie i ti…”
“Does dim isie i ti siarad…”
No, not “siarad”. You’re always mixing up “speak” and “say”.
“Does dim isie i ti ddweud…”
What’s the word for “why?”
“…beth…”
No, that’s “what”.
“…sut…”
No, that’s “how”.
… pam!"
Got it! Now, what was the sentence again?
“Does dim isie i ti… ddweud… pam…”
I can’t even remember the rest of the sentence in English. How did it go again? “You don’t need to say why you will not do it.”
“Does dim isie i ti ddweud pam… ti…”
No, “ti” is for present tense. You WILL not. It doesn’t start with “ti”. What does it start with?
I can’t remember.
Think through the “will” paradigm. I will, you will, I will not… Those phrases don’t start with “dwi” or “ti”. What do they start with?
“…Bydda…”
No, that’s positive. That’s the start of “I will” and “You will”. What’s the negative form?
“…Fydda…”
Yes. And then…? You will not? Fydda… what?
…I can’t remember.
Fydda what?
…I can’t remember.
Fydda what?
I really can’t remember. Why can’t I remember? I’ve done “You will not” sentences at least twenty times. I’ll try saying the whole sentence from the beginning to see if my subconscious kicks in. How did it go in English? You don’t need to say why you will not do it."
“Does dim isie i ti… ddweud… pam… fydda…”
“Does dim isie i ti ddweud pam fydda…”
“Does dim isie i ti ddweud pam fydda…”
…
…
Nope, it’s not working. I know the “do it” bit at the end of the sentence, but not the “you will not”.
And at this point I hit the Play button to hear Cat say it.
As you can imagine, the above mental gymnastics take about 30-60 seconds, much longer than the few seconds Cat gives me to say it.
And if I DON’T use the Pause button, here’s what happens:
Iestyn: “You don’t need to say why you will not do it.”
…
Me: “Ti ddym in…”
…
Cat: “Does dim isie i ti…” etc.
And so it goes, for almost every one of the sentences. I get out only a word or two before I dry up, and more often than not, whatever I do get out is completely wrong. I usually know it’s wrong as soon as I’ve said it, and given enough time, I can correct it, but if I don’t pause the recording, I don’t get that time. Cat gets in first, and I’m left thinking grumpily “I could have got there, if only you’d given me time!”
And that agonisingly slow performance, which I’m sure is causing all you fluent Welsh speakers to grimace in pain at how your beautiful language is being mangled, is after completing all the lessons up to and including Lesson 6 Part 2, including playing them all at least three times each.
I’m aware that what I’m doing at the moment when I work through the sessions is merely groping towards the right Welsh sentence, until I eventually land on it. (e.g. No, it’s not “I”, it’s “you”. No, it’s not present tense, it’s past. No, it’s not “I am”, it’s “I am NOT”. No, it’s not “I know”, it’s “I think”.)
And I’m aware that that’s not speaking in a foreign language. That’s just puzzle solving. What I’m doing at the moment is no more truly speaking a language than doing a crossword is speaking a language.
What I need to achieve - and I’m nowhere near it yet - is to hear a sentence in English and have the Welsh for it spring immediately to my tongue. For instance, to hear “You will not say…” in English, and have the Welsh for it immediately in my brain, not have to grope towards it painfully in stages, via “I am… You are… You were… You will… You will not… You will not speak… You will not say…”
And that, I’m afraid, is a long way off at this stage. But at least I’m still here, still doing the course.
Apologies to all those whose comments and questions I still haven’t responded to. Partly lack of time, mostly feeling too mentally exhausted. Tomorrow, I hope. I still very much appreciate everyone’s comments.